So ironic. In the Summer of 2018 I taught two courses on better sleep named appropriately: Less Stress – Better Sleep. One in Icelandic, one in English.
Ironically after I taught those classes my sleep got worse. Not better, worse. Not because I was not using my own tips and tricks for a good quality sleep.
No – It was because of pain in my hips. Nothing serious but something pulling enough on the sides of my hips to wake me up in the middle of the night, sometimes multiple times. Messing with my sleep cycles, messing with my deep sleep, my rejuvenating sleep.
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Trying to find sleep
I used all my sleep hygiene tricks. I went to see several specialists. I saw a doctor that prescribed pain killers for me but those didn’t last the night (and my body was not a fan). I saw my physical therapist who I deeply cherish and is the best in the world in my own opinion (and my dear friend). I felt better for a few days. Well, you know physical therapy, I felt worse at first and then better later but sadly it only lasted for a couple of days after each session. It seemed that as soon as I started moving my body like a normal person and not like a turtle, the pain came back. I saw a chiropractor – Same story. Wonderful at her job. Felt better for a few days, then back to what it was before.
Was good quality sleep not within my reach anymore?
I gave up multiple times. And tried to face the fact I was just this old and this was just my life now. I would not sleep through the night again and this pain in my hips had come to stay. I would not be able to hike, ski, swim or even take a walk around the neighborhood, not without consequences. Moving my body, such as working in my garden, usually resulted in payback later. I had to rest for a few days and my sleep got even worse afterwards. Not a great motivation for movement at all.
So this was my new normal. I tried to meet it with self-compassion and calm. But it was sometimes really hard because I felt I was failing on so many levels. I had a hard time focusing on tasks. I got irritable at things that normally wouldn’t bother me. Things that usually brought me joy didn’t anymore. Cooking was a drag. Watering my plants too. I felt like an old diesel engine. It took me ages to get going but once I started I was good.
When we are not sleeping well everything gets out of place. Our lives seem boring. Stress becomes a living companion. The effects on our mind and body get really clear.
Hopeful journey?
Even with all this I knew somehow, at the back of my head, that there was hope. I knew there was. Somewhere.
I had before the pandemic signed up for a Yoga Therapy training that kept getting postponed. I thought maybe that might be the thing to help me. That would be amazing if it did, even just a little. I almost didn’t dare to dream that it would.
I finally got to the first part of the Yoga Therapy training. It was out in the countryside at a lovely eco village. I think I won the contest – “brings most stuff”, because I brought so many things that were to aid my sleep 🙂 I even took a memory foam mattress topper with me so I could at least sleep a little. I later found it helpful to bring with me to the house where Yoga Therapy training happened during the day, since we spent most of the day on the floor, sitting, listening to lectures, practicing with each other and so on. Just imagine me carrying my bed with me back and forth – It was almost like that 😉
* Quick note on Yoga Therapy.
The easiest way to describe a Yoga Therapy session would be to say it’s a mix of a yoga class and a massage. It falls short on the therapy part of it though. It can help you release tension in your body that is ready to be released through the assisted yoga poses, could be another way to describe it. You have all the benefits of yoga and massage and then some in Yoga Therapy.
Transformational Yoga Therapy session
Towards the end of the third day (yes the third day), it was my turn to be a recipient of a Yoga Therapy session with a sequence for the hips. I was both anxious and excited. Hopefully it would help a bit and I would learn something about what this was about, the pain in my hips.
The session started with me informing my “giver” that I had really sensitive hips, I needed a lot of tender care with the poses and I would not be going as deep as some of the others. This check-in with the recipient (me in this case) is of course a part of every session but I needed to make extra sure my giver understood me completely.
As she gently guided me into the poses and reminded me to breathe, I felt good. She was attentive to me and where my edge was. The edge is really important in Yoga Therapy because that is how far we go into poses and that’s where the release can happen. The edge is the place before pain. You might feel a stretch but there is no pain involved.
The flow of the session was good and I felt safe to experience whatever came my way. During the last pose I felt suddenly fearful that my giver would overstep my edge as she moved my leg 1 centimeter to cross my center. This was the start of waves of release that kept coming. It was just amazing how the waves kept coming. Soon my giver didn’t need to hold my pose and the tension left on it’s own.
After the session I felt amazingly light and calm. I was on a pink cloud. I wondered if this grand release would show up in my life somehow or if this was just one of those experiences where you feel amazing like after a yoga class, good night’s sleep, great walk, meditation and so on, that slowly wears off and you go back to feeling normal.
Adjusting my experience
I went to bed still feeling the lightness and wonders of the session. When I woke up the next morning I realized that I had not been woken up by a pain in my hips. My roommate had gotten up around 4 but the pain in my hip was not to wake me. I wondered if this was a fluke. I went hopeful to sleep the next night. Again the same thing.
I went into overthinking mode. I thought maybe because I’m moving my body and giving Yoga Therapy sessions and also receiving them during the Yoga Therapy training, I was sleeping better. Or the wonderful time off from my daily life was responsible for this new found sleep. Or that I don’t have to stand in the kitchen cooking everyday. There were a whole group of people doing that for me, and the rest of the group 🙂
Basically I thought once I was home, the pain would return. I was not hopeful really.
Back at home – Back to sleep
But that did not happen. At first I slept a lot. My body was really ready to rest and sleep. After a few years of not having good sleep. If I was woken up it was my children needing help or a cuddle in the middle of the night. Or a storm. Or something else, not the pain in my hips.
It is and was amazing to experience the difference between going to bed at 11pm or 1am. Before it didn’t matter because I was always tired. I felt no difference. Now I do.
After a couple of months with Christmas and the New Year Celebrations I noticed that I could wake up more easily. I was more alert. I was more focused. My brain fog had lifted. I was able to move my body and not feel so tired that I had to rest for days. I felt alive. I felt happy. I felt joy in my everyday life again. Things that I used to enjoy, I started enjoying again. Like cooking and gardening. And teaching and planning ahead. Seeing one-on-one clients. Being outside. Playing with my youngest in the snow. Spending time with my loved ones. Everything was more joyous.
I had space in my brain for all of it. Wonderful feeling. I felt and feel like a new person. Someone that can easily take a deep breath and enjoy every moment if she remembers to do so ( because sleeping does not fix everything. But almost everything :))
And I’m so grateful for Yoga Therapy and all the wonderful tools I have in my toolbox for less stress, better sleep, well-being, feeling joy, peace and calm.
How would your life change if you were able to breathe calmly and get good quality sleep?
